Legolas Drops In
by Totally Cliched
Summary: Legolas drops in! And not for tea! Full of butterflies, tantrums and peroxide! Please read and review! We shall be eternally grateful, and you may even get to feature in forthcoming chapter!Brush off the cobwebs, we have posted chapter 10!
1. How the Hell did that happen?

Hello everyone! We are Totally Clichéd, welcome to our story! There are three members of Totally Clichéd, Silveretta, Cherny, and Jess. Silveretta already has stories posted, so feel free to read them!!! Anyways, thanks for visiting this story, hope you like it, enjoy!!!!  
  
Chapter 1-How the Hell did that Happen?  
  
The Prince of Mirkwood was quite happy to be honest. He was just a young elf, (as elves go) and was busily frolicking in a meadow, with wildflowers at his feet. A little butterfly flew by, he opened his mouth as if to yawn- except he didn't yawn. *Mmmmmmmmmm! Cabbage White, my favourite! The Peacocks aren't bad either!* he thought, as another unsuspecting insect flew in to Gaping Gob of Death, namely his mouth.  
  
Suddenly, in a completely clichéd FanFiction fashion, he fell into a portal that had appeared in the ground. It was probably placed there by some evil individual who wanted to piss him off severely. All Legolas was thinking as he fell was *Oooooh, this is nice, never tried this before*, this is not an elf of the highest calibre. Eventually, the swirling blackness stopped and he landed with a thud on very hard stone, severely bruising his elfish buttocks O_o. This didn't particularly help his rapidly decreasing good mood.  
  
"Ow! My delicate elfish buttocks!" he moaned. This was turning into a really bad day.  
  
"Who are you? Are you new?" a drawling voice said.  
  
Legolas drew himself up to his full height, which wasn't very tall, considering he was sitting down, and replied with as much dignity as his bruised buttocks would allow ,  
  
"I am Legolas Greenleaf, Prince of Mirkwood."  
  
"Oh, a title, eh? Impressive. I'm Draco Malfoy, hurry up, or you'll miss the train."  
  
"Uh?"  
  
"The train, the Hogwarts Express, the magical locomotive, whatever."  
  
Naturally, Legolas had no idea what this boy was talking about. He did know that the speaker, Draco had absolutely exquisite hair, a shade paler than his own.  
  
"Um, yes, of course, lead the way." The boy named Malfoy looked at him strangely, considering the train was right behind him.  
  
Legolas pulled himself to his feet and dusted himself off. He followed the boy to a compartment in this 'train'. There were seats on either side of the compartment, and Legolas sat down on one gratefully. He winced, as his behind reminded him of what had happened only a few moments before. Draco seated himself opposite Legolas, and was now flanked by two monstrous boys, Legolas wondered if they were overgrown Orcs, they were monstrously ugly, as well as big.  
  
"This is Crabbe, and this is Goyle." Said Draco, indicating to the lumps in turn.  
  
"Hello" Legolas said nervously. The lumps grunted.  
  
"So," said Draco, cleaning his nails with a knife, "you're new then. What house do you think you'll be in?"  
  
*House?* Legolas thought.  
  
"Haven't given it much thought? Slytherin is the best. That's the one I'm in. Where's all your stuff? I didn't see you with a trunk."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~* This is where the writers have reached a slight problem. What shall we do about Legolas's lack of stuff? Basically, he doesn't need robes, cos his clothes are strange enough already, and he ain't gonna use magic cuz he is an elf! ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
After a while of pointless and boring chatter and banter, the food cart came along, conveniently breaking the awkward silence, as it always seems to do.  
  
"Anything from the trolley boys?" asked a very gruff looking wizard.  
  
"What happened to the kindly old witch?" asked Draco, slightly bemused.  
  
"The writers felt that she just wasn't right, and as she was only a minor part, she was axed. I'm Boris, her replacement."  
  
"O.K.... well, Boris, nothing for me, I don't want to lose that cute ass that half of the girls around the world fancy."  
  
"Do you have any butterflies?" Asked Legolas hopefully.  
  
"Uh, no! Can I interest you in a Chocolate Frog?"  
  
"Eating frogs? That's inhumane!" Legolas screamed girlishly. He dove at the trolley and opened all the packets of Chocolate Frogs on the trolley.  
  
"Run free, little froggies, run free!" to his surprise, the frogs weren't the same ones used in the movie and didn't hop away. Instead, they just lay there looking rather helpless.  
  
"Oh my God!!!! You killed them! You monster!" sobbed Legolas, lying on the floor.  
  
By now everyone in the carriage was slightly disturbed. Luckily, time had flown by phenomenally quickly and the train stopped.  
  
"Hogwarts! Hogwarts station!" a voice called from nowhere in particular.  
  
The strange company in the carriage departed, including Legolas, who picked himself up off the floor.  
  
As they stepped off the train, Legolas was greeted by a hug man wearing a large overcoat.  
  
"Gimli? You've grown a bit haven't you?"  
  
"I'm not Gimli. I am Rubeus Hagrid, keeper of the keys and Groundskeeper of Hogwarts."  
  
This strangely proved too much for Legolas, he uttered a wild high-pitched cry, lay on his back... And had a tantrum!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Thanks for reading this!!  
  
Jess: wow that was really good wasn't it ?!?!?!? *all stand and applaud really loudly*  
  
Jess: We couldn't have done it without the support of our beloved husbands, Brad Pitt, Keanu Reaves and Sean Biggerstaff.  
  
Silveretta : You wish Jess.  
  
Cherny: Still, we can dream.mmmmm. Sean...  
  
Jess: Ahem! Yes!  
  
Silveretta: Anyways..  
  
Cherny: Read and Review!!!!! 


	2. OK, this is weird!

Hello again!! We're back, with another thrilling instalment of Legolas Drops In! Woah! Four reviews! Thank you so much to the reviewers!!!!! Sorry your names aren't up at the top, they will be at the bottom!! So, last time we left Legolas, he was having a tantrum on the platform of Hogwarts station.  
Chapter 2- OK, This is weird..  
Legolas vaguely heard the word 'stupefy!' then everything went black.  
  
"Ugh! My head hurts!" whined Legolas, sitting up in his bed (in Hogwarts hospital wing, but he doesn't know that) "Mummy! I had a really bad dream!" he promptly started wailing again.  
  
"Merlin's beard! Don't make me stun you again!" said a stern female voice.  
  
*Ah, slight problem, this may NOT be a dream* thought Legolas.  
  
He looked around him. He was in a strange room, adorned with paintings. The people in the paintings were. WAVING??????  
  
"You evil spawn of Sauron!" Legolas screamed at the deputy head of the school, namely professor McGonagol. "You friend of the Orcs! You, you, you TREE TRUNK!"  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* A/N: Just thought you may like to know. that apparently, in Latin the rudest word you could ever say to anyone was, erm, tree trunk! Look, we didn't make up the language, OK?  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
Legolas leapt toward towards the canvasses, desperate to free the trapped people. He was almost there.  
  
"Freezio." (We weren't very inspired at that moment in time)  
  
Legolas found to his surprise that he couldn't move. That it, he couldn't move apart from his mouth, so he decided to use it.  
  
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaagh! What'shappenedtome, whatsgoingon, whyamIsuspendedunabeltomove? Aaaaaaaaaa...."( What's happened to me, what's going on, why am I suspended unable to move?!)  
  
"Will you kindly refrain from hyperventilating?" asked McGonagol calmly.  
  
"I AM NOT HYPERVENTILATING, I HAVE NEVER HYPERVENTILATED, AND. what is hyperventilating anyway?" he paused and took a deep breath "What are you doing to me?"  
  
" I think, young man, that the question here is, what are YOU doing HERE? Who are you?"  
  
"I am Legolas Gr"  
  
"Lockhart!" shouted an old wizard who had just burst through the door.  
  
"Gandalf? Thank God you're here!"  
  
"I'm not Gandalf, I am Albus Dumbledore."  
  
*Things really aren't going my way* thought Legolas grimly. However, a plus side of this wizened old man's arrival was he could now move. He tried to run away.  
  
"Accio elf!"  
  
He found himself flying backwards, and landed with a thump, yet again causing severe trauma to his delicate buttocks.  
  
"Minerva, is this any way to treat a pupil?"  
  
*A pupil?*  
  
"This is Gilderoy Lockhart's son, isn't that right Legolas?"  
  
"No! I am Legolas Gr- ow!" the wizard had just prodded him very hard "I mean, yes!"  
  
"Very good. I have made accommodation arrangements for you. Since you seem to have such a fetish for green, you are in Slytherin (cliché or what?!). Here is your house master now."  
  
In walked a sour faced man dressed all in black.  
  
"Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Dark Rider!" Legolas ran at the man and began kicking his shins "Die, scum of Mordor!"  
  
"Petrificus Totalus!" (Dumbledore)  
  
"Wingardium Leviosa!" (McGonagol)  
  
"Get of me, dammit!" (Snape)  
  
This resulted in Legolas floating into the air, completely unable to move. This time, his mouth was included. He rolled his eyes frantically.  
  
"If you promise to behave, we'll let you down. This is not a 'Dark Rider', this is professor Snape- your house master." At this point Dumbledore turned to Snape " Professor, this is Legolas Lockhart.. I trust you will accommodate him in your house?"  
  
"Of course, headmaster." Said Snape through gritted teeth "but are you saying that this is the offspring of Gilderoy Lockhart?"  
  
"Indeed, Severus. Now kindly show Legolas to the house."  
  
The spells were released, and Legolas fell to the floor with a bump.  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^  
  
Eventually the common room was reached, taking twice as much time as normal, because Legolas kept trying to free the 'prisoners' from the paintings, and had great fun leaping from staircase to staircase. It was as much as Snape could do to refrain from strangling the boy.  
  
"Professor? Why is your eye twitching?"  
  
"Grrr."  
  
So, they arrived in the dungeons. Legolas shivered, he didn't think much of it, so dark and gloomy. They stopped outside of.  
  
"A brick wall?"  
  
"No, you ignorant pointy-eared twit! This is the door to Slytherin. The password must be kept secret at all times." Snape looked furtively around before saying ".  
  
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Cherny: Oooooh, scary cliff-hanger!  
  
Silveretta: Look, it was the best I could do, OK?  
  
Jess: *Roll eyes* Well try harder! Cherny, you'll need to get the whip out again!  
  
Silveretta: Hmph! Well, hope you liked it! We had fun writing it!  
  
Cherny: And now we have some very special people to thank.  
  
Jess: Very Very VERY Special Thanks to Suzalina, you helped write some of it (but we're more important).  
  
Silveretta: Yeah, Suz baby, we luvs ya! *Blows massive kiss* and also thanks to.  
  
Cherny: Kyle Smith  
  
Jess: creepylipstick  
  
Silveretta: Vertigo  
  
Cherny: And Ivory Tower  
  
Jess: Please everyone else, REVIEW!  
  
Silveretta: And post any ideas in reviews, or email us, we're always listening!  
  
Cherny: Oh, and if you want us to review your story, please tell us the name, as some of you very talented individuals have posted multiple stories, and we don't know which ones you want read!  
  
All: BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! 


	3. Legolas Fits In

Chapter 3- Legolas fits in

"Dust Bunnies"

"Ohhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!! I don't like that password!"

At this Snape lost his cool and hit Legolas round the head.  Legolas stopped short,

"Hey! That was uncalled for!"

Snape lost his temper even more, grabbed Legolas by the collar and lifted him off his feet.

"Listen to me, you stupid, irritating, infuriating, pathetic excuse of a living creature. I do not know how, or why you came here.  But you had better be careful, or your lie will not be worth living!"

Legolas looked at him strangely which was probably on the account of that he was turning blue in the face,

"Uh, professor?  Would it be much trouble to put me down?  It's just that I'm finding it rather hard to breath!"

Snape sighed, dropped Legolas onto the floor, which caused the elf prince to hurt his….All together now!

Everyone: Delicate Elfish Buttocks!!!!"

Authors:  Damn right!

Anyhow, the wall had swung open, and Snape had walked in.  Legolas decided it would be best for him to lament over his D.E.B inside; so he went in.

The Slytherin common room was all done up in green and silver, much to Legolas' approval.

"Oooooh! I simply love what you've done with the place!  But do you know what would really set it off?!?!?  A faux fur rug in front of the fire place!" said Legolas, sounding very much like Lawrence Llewellyn Bowen.  

"I kept telling professor Snape that, but he keeps saying no." said Draco, who was lying on the sofa.  "He did consent to these rather chic leather sofas."

"Oh, they're simply adorable!"  squealed Legolas.  He plopped down on the sofa and was soon engaged in a lengthy conversation with Draco about interior design.  Professor Snape decided it was probably wisest to leave them to it, so he went to prepare a potion…

*******

The conversation eventually turned to hair. Don't ask why it just did.  

"How do you get your hair so pale?" asked Legolas in wonder.

"I have a simply amazing peroxide.  It's semi permanent and gives your hair a wonderful tint.  You should try it!"

He lead Legolas upstairs (get your mind out of the gutter)  to his bathroom.  He pulled a bottle down.

*****

10 minutes later Legolas was sitting with his hair in a towel.

"So tell me about this place." He said lying on a chair. (don't know quite how he managed that)

Draco who was seated opposite replied

"Well it's not that bad really.  The headmaster's completely soft, Muggle lover you know.  Then there's Harry Potter, my God, he drives me mad.  Famous Harry Potter and his scar.  He's got these hangers-on, Weasley and Granger.  Weasley's just a wannabe with no money and Granger's this complete know-all.  They hate me, I hate them, and so will you, if you've any sense.

*He sounds awful* thought Legolas.

"I can teach you the trademark Malfoy sneer if you want, then you'll fit in with the Slytherin crowd no problem."

"Ohhh yes please!!" said Legolas.

"Okay twist your mouth like this, no like this…"

And so it went on, all through the night.  Well for 2 hours at any rate.  

The unveiling came, and when the towel was unwrapped Legolas' hair was now sooo bright that if you looked at it directly, you couldn't see anything apart from a white spots in front of your eyes.

"We look like brothers!" smirked Draco.

"

We're brothers?  Oh, my long lost brother!" Legolas enveloped poor Draco in a crushing hug.

"No! We _look_ like brothers!"

"Oh well that's a bit of a let-down isn't it?"

"If you say so.  Look, We'd better head up to the dormitory.  If Snape catches up with us, you'll be a potions ingredient for tomorrow."

Authors note

Silveretta:  Once again, thanx, all of you for reading.  We're sooooo pleased with you….

Cherny:  Not if you don't review!!!

Jess:  Okay *raises eyebrows* ummmm thanx to all our reviewers.

Silveretta:  We would mention all of you but you know, to little space.

Cherny:  Please keep reviewing!! Don't flame too much!!

Jess:  *nudging Cherny* No really we want constructive criticism

Silveretta:  By the way the three nicest reviews for this chapter get to star in the story one way or the other.

Cherny:  Ve'll email you if you're going to star.  Please email back telling us how you vant to look, vear, say, how you say it etc. (Heavy Russian accent)

Jess:  Sorry you see, Helen's Russian but she's Ukrainian I mean she's born in Ukraine that was actually in Russia until Ukraine decided they wanted it to be Ukrainian and anyway she speaks with a Russian accent that is actually a Ukrainian accent that the Russians copied off…

Silveretta:  Shut up!!!!!!!!! God okay, the starring is only for one episode so don't say that you're the girl majorly in love with Legolas and he falls in love with you because that will take too long and it is soooooooo not this story if you know what I mean.

Cherny:  Ve don't vant this to become a soap.

Jess:  By the way Ivory Tower we tried to email you saying thank you for your review but it didn't work.  We're emailing everyone who reviews to say thank you but so far only done three.

Anyway…

*audience wince in anticipation of the sure to come scream*

The totally clichéd gang:  READ AND REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	4. When Legolas met Harry

WOOOOOHOOOOOO! THANK YOU EVERYONE! WE ARE NEARLY AT 20 REVIEWS AND SILVERETTA IS DOING A VERY STRANGE LOOKING DANCE AROUND THE ROOM. Anyway, we have toiled long and hard to get this to you (we wrote it in history), so here is the long-awaited fruits of our labour.(yeah woteva!) Oh, and by the way we own Suzanna!  
CHAPTER 4- WHEN LEGOLAS MET HARRY  
  
The morning dawned bright and sunny when Legolas sat up from his curled-up ball on the end of Draco's bed. Or rather, when he was pushed off the end by Draco's feet, which smelled really bad.  
  
"Pooooooooowheeeeeeeeeee! What's that smell?" cried Legolas in something quite close to anguish.  
  
Draco glared at him. Legolas glared back.  
  
"Come on then, we haven't got all day! I'm scheduled to make Potter's life a misery in 10 minutes!"  
  
"Ooooh! Harry Potter! What does he look like?"  
  
"Can't miss him. Scrawny, glasses too big for his face, untidy hair. However, in a few years' time, all that Quidditch playing will pay off and he'll somehow turn into Harry Potter: Superhunk overnight. Quite amazing really."  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ *^*^*^*^*  
  
As they walked towards the dungeons, they sensed a presence following them  
  
*Scary music plays*  
  
They turned around slowly.  
  
(A/N: Peeves is meant to be here, but he has ceased to exist because he was not used in the movie, so we'll just have to pretend he is!)  
  
"Aiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii! A ghost! A ghost! Save me Draco!" Legolas leapt into Draco's arms.  
  
Just then, Snape left his chambers, and was also heading to the potions classroom. He saw a rather small Draco struggling under the weight of a somewhat larger Legolas.  
  
*Dear God* he thought *This is going to be Hell.*  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ *^*^*^*^*  
  
They were seated in the classroom. They had been joined by a girl by the name of Suzanna, a pale haired skinny girl not unlike Draco. She was incredibly intelligent ,and was not, shall we say, very keen on Legolas, far from it. Anyhow, Legolas glanced across and saw Harry Potter next to him.  
  
*Eww! Draco was right! But, if he just got contacts, had a haircut.*  
  
Snape stole in (yeah, we said stole). Legolas jumped to his feet.  
  
"Hey! Professor Snape! Yoohoo! Look! I'm in your class! Aren't you glad to see me?!"  
  
"Sit down you imbecile!"  
  
By this time most of the class was giggling, or in Ron's case, snorting.  
"You stupid creature! Now you have delayed me showing Potter how much I hate him with a decent reason!"  
  
Harry looked like he was about to cry.  
  
"Oh, get over it Potter. If you're going to be star of this series, it's not all going to be plain sailing! Now! Pop Quiz! Potter, what would I get if I added powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?"  
  
"Ummmm."  
  
Legolas noticed a rather big-toothed girl shove her hand in the air.  
  
*She must know the answer*  
  
So he stuck his hand in the air as well.  
  
Snape sighed.  
  
"What is it, Mr. eugh.Lockhart?"  
  
"A sleeping potion so powerful that it is known as the Draught of Living Death."  
  
Snape fainted.  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ *^*^*^*^*  
  
When he recovered, he found Legolas staring into his eyes at a very close range.  
  
"Gagh! What are you doing?"  
  
"By the way, a bezoar is a stone taken from the stomach of a goat which will save you form most poisons and monkshood and wolfsbane are both the same plant, also known as aconite."  
  
The girl (guess who) looked very pissed off indeed.  
  
"Hmmmmmmmmmm." hummed Professor Snape ("It wasn't obvious to me okay?!?!" Jess) looking carefully at Legolas. "You seem to have a gift for potions and for your knowledge in the pop quiz I award Slytherin 100 points."  
  
"Professor Snape!!!" cried Harry, Hermione and Ron simultaneously. (Why is Harry always said first????)  
  
"What do you want?" snapped Snape.  
  
"It's not fair, when Hermione knew the answer you didn't pick on her even though she put her hand up first!"  
  
"Shut up, Potter!"  
  
"But professor it's not fair!!"  
  
"One more sorry little peep out of you three and 50 points from Gryffindor."  
  
"Sir!."  
  
"If you three don't shut up right now, you will find yourselves in detention AND 1000 points from Gryffindor."  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* ^*^*^*^*^*  
  
The Potions lesson continued. Professor Snape went around the class putting everyone into pairs. Malfoy and Legolas foun themselves in a pair. Working together they did everything right, unfortunately for Neville things didn't go as well.  
  
* Okay, for all the Neville Longbottom fans, if you really need to know what happened to Neville read p.103 of Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone*  
  
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Potions lesson ended with Malfoy and Legolas earning another 10 points each for Slytherin and Harry losing points by the minute for Gryffindor.  
  
Malfoy led Legolas out of the dungeons.  
  
"Hey I never would've guessed that you knew so much about potions!"  
  
"Yeah, well, you know; being." Legolas was interrupted mid-sentence in his I-am-clever-but-I-am-going-to-attempt-to-make-you-think-I'm-a-modest-person speech by Malfoy who was dragging him whilst saying,  
  
"Watch this, this is how to make Potter mad!"  
  
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Author's note:  
  
Jess: So how did you like it???????? Silveretta: Okay for once we are going to keep our author's note short!  
  
*drum roll*  
  
Cherny: Thank you to..  
  
Silveretta: Wannabe hobbit!!!!!  
  
Jess: Jennie!!!!!!!  
  
Cherny: And last but not least .RivanKnight!!!!!  
  
Silveretta: These three lucky people are going to appear in our next episode so keep writing nice reviews and you might get to be in it!!!!!!!  
  
Jess: Well you guys are sooo amazing!!! Just keep on reviewing!!!!  
  
*gives a sexy wink*  
  
Cherny: Oh come one guys how much more sad can you get?????  
  
Jess and Silveretta: Do you have a problem with that or something????  
  
Cherny: Yeah well actually I do!!!!!!  
  
*Lets just leave them there shall we!!* 


	5. Legolas Does a Malfoy!

Heya! It's the nutters from Totally Clichéd again with another thrilling instalment of Legolas and his adventures! We are so nearly on 30 reviews, we want 40 for the next chapter to go up! It sounds harsh but we need reviews!!!!!! OK, this is the last time Silveretta does the beginning because she always has to make it so damn long! And this chapter is kinda long, but hey! Oh, and look out for the people making cameo roles in the story! ;)  
Chapter 5-Legolas does a Malfoy  
  
As they quickly approached Harry, Suzanna caught up with them  
  
"Where's the fire?"  
  
"Fire???!!!!!!! Where????!!!"  
  
"Oh dear God" said Malfoy head in hands "look what you've started now!" he turned angrily towards Suzanna.  
  
"Easily stopped." Replied Suzanna calmly, turning around and proceeding to bash Legolas on the head several times.  
  
They arrived at the library where Harry and co. where setting up camp for the rest of the story. As they entered , Jennie Howarth, a 5th year Gryffindor glanced up from behind the desk. Jennie was the library assistant and very knowledgeable about books. She had brown hair in a plait halfway down her back.  
  
"Ah, hello Potter." Sneered Malfoy  
  
"Ah, hello Weasley." Sneered Legolas  
  
"What the hell are you doing? You look like your face is having spasms!" said Suzanna.  
  
"Shut up you two," said Malfoy looking increasingly annoyed by the second "so, Potter, how are you getting on with you little muggle chums?"  
  
Harry chose to ignore this.  
  
"Hmmm. this is proving quite difficult. I know! MUDBLOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Malfoy yelled.  
  
"Hey! You can't call her that!" said Ron, his ears going characteristically pink.  
  
"And why not?"  
  
"Because it only appears in the second book! You've used it too soon!"  
  
"Whatever! Anyway Potter, did you enjoy losing, how many was it again.. 50 POINTS FOR GRYFFINDOR?"  
  
Jennie had stridden over.  
  
"50 POINTS? You stupid little boy! And you, Malfoy, stop picking on people who can't defend themselves!"  
  
Harry and Malfoy glared at her. Legolas tried to glare but he couldn't quite pull it off. Then he noticed something.  
  
"Hey! I don't like you!"  
  
Jennie folded her arms.  
  
"And why is that?"  
  
"Because your hair is too long! Mine is meant to be the longest in the fellowship, well, maybe except Gandalf!"  
  
With that, he turned on his heel and strode out the door, bottom lip protruding. Malfoy and Suzanna rolled their eyes and followed him, leaving Harry, Ron and Hermione somewhat confused.  
  
In his haste, Legolas failed to notice the 7th year Ravenclaw called Wendee with brown hair and glasses heading towards the library. His vision was also obscured by the vast pile of books Wendee was carrying. Yes, you guessed it, he knocked her over, but no, he did not realise how beautiful she was and fall in love with her.  
  
"Rosie! I'm soooooo sorry, didn't mean to knock you over! How's Sam and Buttercup, Daisy, Strudel, Pudding, Cabbage, Dandelion, Posy, Pumpkin, Boggy, Moxie, Pepsi, Frito, Spam and Bob?!"  
  
(if some of the characters seem familiar, i.e., Boggy, Moxie, Pepsi, Frito and Spam, that is because they are taken from 'Bored of the Rings' by the Harvard Lampoon.)  
  
Wendee was slightly unnerved.  
  
"Who's Rosie? And more to the point, who are you?"  
  
"Rosie! How could you forget me? I'm so hurt!" wailed Legolas, bursting into tears. Luckily, Malfoy (shall we just call him Draco from now on?)and Suzanna had arrived. Suzanna intervened by whacking Legolas round the head. Draco wasn't quite sure what to do, so he stood and sneered.  
  
"Come on you two! Legolas, stop harassing that girl, she's trying to pick up her books! Suzanna, kindly refrain from maiming him- as much as I'd love to join in- but we have a flying lesson to get to."  
  
They were lined up in the grounds, yet again with Gryffindor.  
  
"For God's sake, you would think that we're the only houses in the whole bloody school! Exclaimed Suzanna in exasperation.  
  
Madam Hooch the randomly appeared, as did some broomsticks.  
  
"Aaaaaaah! What are they?" this came not from Legolas, but Harry.  
  
"Well duh!" said Legolas, giving up completely on the Malfoy sneer "They're for sweeping! Oooh goody, I love housekeeping lessons! Do we get the little pinny things?"  
  
Madam Hooch did not hear and said  
  
"Right, hold your hand over the brooms and say 'up'!"  
  
Everyone's broom sprang up, with the following exceptions:  
  
Hermione  
  
And you could count Ron too, as he gets hit in the face, and provides the comic element.  
  
"Now, mount your brooms!"  
  
"Oooh, is this a new technique?"  
  
"Now, gently push off and then pause and come."  
  
She was cut off by Legolas, who had risen before even Neville. "Ooooh! It's vibrating!" his shouts of amazement turned to screams of horror once he realised how high he actually was. "Aiiiiiii! Lemme off! I wanna get down!" then he somehow flew over to the lake, leaving behind him Madam Hooch's yells and Neville's screams of  
  
"You stole my bit! My only half-decent bit and you stole it!"  
  
When he arrived at the lake, he saw Professor Snape discussing the plot line with someone dressed all in black, with black hair and maroon highlights. It was of course, and OC*! Legolas magically managed to control his broom and hovered listening to the conversation.  
  
"It's really very simple Averil. I'm meant to be the villain, but it's actually Quirrel. He's going to try and steal the Philosopher's Stone on Halloween, I'll stop him and get bitten by the three-headed dog guarding it, so it'll look like I've tried to steal it. I will also save Harry from falling off a broomstick, despite hating him, and Harry will save the day!"  
  
"It's pure genius Severus! Ai yai yai yai! What in the name of all that is Holy id THAT?!"  
  
"Oh dear God, it's that...... thing, he's been ruining the plot ever since he got here! Now he'll get the day! Damn!!!! You! Lockhart! Get down here now!"  
  
Legolas swooped down, jumped off, doing a triple flip somersault in the air and landed on his feet.  
  
"Tada! Look at me!"  
  
Averil, the OC teacher of elementary magic instantly drew the dagger that she had strapped to her leg.  
  
"Watch it! One step closer and you'll resemble a pin cushion very soon!"  
  
"Well put Averil!" applauded Snape in amazement.  
  
Legolas was having none of it.  
  
*THIS has got to be a dark rider plotting against me!* he thought.  
  
"Banzai! Damn the torpedoes!!"  
  
He flipped acrobatically in a way much resembling the fight scene at the end of The Matrix and kicked Averil into the lake.  
  
"You idiot! You've killed the only OC in the story!! I was meant to fall in love with her!"  
  
"Oooooh! Professor and Averil, sittin' in a."  
  
he stopped short, as Snape was rapidly advancing with a very evil look on his face. So Legolas gave the broom a kick, so it started flying, ran alongside it and flipped himself onto it. He flew off in a very spectacular fashion......  
  
And crashed into a tree.  
  
*OC-Original Character for those who didn't know!  
  
Jess: Thanks all for reviewing, we would love to thank each of you individually, bu there isn't time!  
  
Cherny: I thought that vent rather vell, don't you?  
  
Silveretta: My arm hurts!  
  
Jess: Uh, great!  
  
Cherny: She's just moaning cos she had to type it all up! Vhat a baby!  
  
Silveretta: Hey! Am not! *Goes into a corner and sulks*  
  
Jess: Well, anyway, keep the reviews coming! We read each and every one!  
  
Cherny: And the more reviews, the more ve vill update! Oh, and by the vay, next chapter vill not have a cameo in it, sorry!  
  
OK, time for the big finale...  
  
*Silveretta reluctantly joins in after being prodded several times with a very large and pointy stcik*  
  
All: REVIEW!!!!!  
  
Silveretta: And make them nice and long! 


	6. BIG APOLOGY BUT NOT A CHAPTERSORRY!

AAAAAAAAHHHHHH! WE ARE SO SORRY! THERE WERE SOME SPELLING MISTAKES IN THE CHAPTER YOU JUST READ!!!! SO DON'T FLAME OR ANYTHING, BUT *SOMEONE'S* FINGERS MUST HAVE SLIPPED *POINTED LOOK AT SILVERETTA*. SO IF YOU FIND ANY, YOU CAN PROBABLY GUESS WHAT THEY'RE MEANT TO BE! SORRY AGAIN FOR DISRUPTING YOUR READING PLEASURE,  
  
THE TOTALLY CLICHÉD GANG 


	7. Quidditch

Hey there all you beautiful people! As promised, 40 reviews and we update! Well, we're looking for nice reviews of this chapter to cameo in the next chapter or the one after that! But sorry, if you've already starred you can't star again, but that doesn't mean you cans top reviewing, cos we know who you are..  
  
Chapter 6- Quidditch (very boring title ain't it?!)  
  
"Ha ha! I'm the youngest seeker in a century!"  
  
"Oh yeah? Well I'm the youngest chaser in three centuries!"  
  
Harry stomped off in a huff to join the Gryffindor table. Legolas was sitting down at the Slytherin table when Suzanna appeared from the dungeons.  
  
"Way to go Lockhart!" Draco applauded him (let's just imagine they'd heard the previous exchange of words okay?)  
  
"You're not bad.... for an idiot." Was Suzanna's contribution.  
  
Legolas preened. The other two sat down and chose their breakfasts. Suzanna had some bread and cucumber, Legolas had scrambled dregs and stinkbug's eggs (read James and the Giant Peach to find out what we're on...about) and Draco had.. Froot Loops©???!!!  
  
Suddenly, an owl appeared, carrying a broomstick for Harry. Then five owls appeared with one for Legolas.  
  
"Wow! A Nimbus Six Thousand!!!"  
  
Then Ron came lolloping over.  
  
"In your face Lockhart! Harry just got a Nimbus Two Thousand!!"  
  
Draco yawned and said  
  
"Uh-huh! Great! If you'll just cast your eyes that-a-way, you will see what?"  
  
Ron looked  
  
"A Nimbus Six Thou- hey!!! Harry is meant to have the best and only broom in the year! I am soooo having words with Dumbledore about this!"  
  
"Whatever!" said Suzanna, equally bored "Now kindly bugger off before my temptation to turn you into a twig overpowers me completely!"  
  
"Yeah, right, like you could do that!"  
  
"Wanna try me?"  
  
"Yes..but now I have to leave on a completely unrelated matter" with that he ran away screaming "Aaaaaah! Save me Harry!"  
  
The Peroxide Gang laughed, got up and went to do something stereotypically evil.  
  
^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^  
  
Later on in the day, Legolas was at Quidditch practice with Marcus Flint. Contrary to the film, he was rather good looking. Legolas still wasn't impressed.  
  
"Why can't we have a sexy captain like Gryffindor?"  
  
"Because he doesn't look evil and sneaky."  
  
"But loads of girls fancy the pants off him. If you want to get anywhere you need sex-appeal, like me." Legolas muttered.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Ahem! Nothing! I wanna get on with being amazing at Quidditch!"  
  
And, actually he was, apart from the tree incident.....  
  
~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^  
  
*Match Day *- wooooo!  
  
"Okay, quite frankly, I don't give a damn how you play because I won't blow you up for anything."  
  
And that was how the match started.  
  
Legolas scored five goals in a minute and was bored. Then he noticed Harry bucking around on his broom.  
  
*Hey! That looks like fun!* he thought, and flew up to Harry and began thrashing around on his broom too.  
  
"Help......me....broom...is..."  
  
"Fun! Yeah, c'mon, ride 'em cowboy! Yeeehaa!"  
  
Then something else caught Legolas's attention. No, it wasn't the fact that half the Gryffindor team lay unconscious or dead on the ground, but it was Granger about to set Professor Snape on fire.  
  
"Noooooo! Die Granger! Scum!" he screamed and dived straight at the stands. He knocked Professor Quirrel over the side of the stands by accident and grabbed Snape by the collar. He flew away and hoisted him onto his broom.  
  
"You moron! What the hell are you doing? That was meant to be a funny part of the bloody story! My chance to shine and.argh!" he was cut off as he was hit by a bludger.  
  
Legolas looked at the pitch. It was napalm. Most of the Gryffindor team were now indeed dead and Harry was choking on the ground.  
  
He flew down and yelled  
  
"Don't worry Potter! I'll save you!"  
  
Legolas used the Hiemlich Manoeuvre on Harry and the snitch flew out of Harry's mouth into the hands of the Slytherin seeker, who by some amazing coincidence was hovering nearby.  
  
Dumbledore looked severely pissed off.  
  
"Dammit!" He muttered up in the stands "we've got to find another way for Gryffindor to win now!"  
  
Legolas stood and surveyed his handiwork. Now added to the Gryffindors were half the Slytherin team who had fainted through the shock of winning. He wandered over to Quirrel, who was lying on the ground. Legolas drew a long pointy stick and poked him. The professor groaned. Snape was also lying nearby. Dumbledore hurried over with Madam Pomfrey and her magical healing potions , which , despite being able to cure anything still meant a lengthy stay in the hospital wing for any important character.  
  
"Oh damn. This is bad." Said Madam Pomfrey.  
  
"Tell me about it. We have lost not only our supposedly evil teacher, but also our really evil teacher too!" Dumbledore fumed.  
  
Needless to say, Legolas was not going to win the 'Mr Majorly Popular' award at that moment in time.  
  
~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^  
  
Authors' Note  
  
Jess: We have a very sad announcement.  
  
Silveretta: *bows head* Cherny has left.  
  
Jess: Conflict of opinions  
  
Silveretta: Basically she couldn't stand us.  
  
Cherny: (offstage) That is soooooooo not true!  
  
Jess: Ahem! So we would like to introduce our new member..  
  
Silveretta: Bella!  
  
Bella: Aloha!  
  
Jess: We are still keeping to our multi-cultural theme cos Bella is Hawaiian!  
  
Bella: Aloha!  
  
Silveretta: So we want lots of reviews to make Bella feel welcome!  
  
Jess: Bye!  
  
Silveretta: Ciao!  
  
Bella: Aloha! (It means goodbye as well as hello!)  
  
All: Review!  
  
*Bella starts Hula-dancing*  
  
Jess: What the hell are you doing?  
  
Bella: Aloha Oe! 


	8. Legolas Does Battle Part 1

Hello! Welcome to the long-awaited instalment of Legolas Drops In!!!! We have met technical difficulties and some- ahem- computer kicking has happened... But the chapter is here now, so review, the last lot were very nice, so keep 'em coming!  
  
Chapter 7- Legolas Does Battle [Part 1]  
  
Legolas was the champion of Slytherin the next day at breakfast. He celebrated by eating Froot Loops. However:  
  
these were Draco's Froot Loops taken straight out of his bowl  
  
and  
  
they made him very dangerous for most of the day  
  
He wasted no time in pissing everyone off by publicly humiliating Suzanna, who had arrived unusually late. He ran to her and flung his arms around her screaming  
  
"Suzalina-poo!!! Where have you been? I was so worried!! Come on, give me a biiiiiiiiiiiig hug!"  
  
"Oh dear God" Suzanna said in despair "Draco, what the hell have you fed him?"  
  
By this time Draco was sitting sulking, lamenting the loss of his beloved Loops.  
  
"Wasn't my fault," he muttered "one minute my loopies were there, and then he'd eaten the lot."  
  
"You know sugar makes him dangerous!"  
  
"And YOU know that I'm neither his baby-sitter or a bloody mind reader!" Draco retorted.  
  
They were interrupted mid-quarrel by Legolas noisily making his way up the Great Hall. He ran up to the teacher's table, and then jumped onto it. He ran along, upsetting Madam Pince's tea and toast; Hagrid's fry-up consisting of... some very strange things indeed, smothered in maple syrup; Madam Hooch's Weetabix© and Dumbledore's sherbet lemons and coffee. He then arrived at Snape, who wasn't actually eating anything. He found a raw egg and cracked it over Snape's head, for reasons best known to him and the authors. Snape, needless to say, was not amused, in fact, he was so angry, that the egg actually cooked on his head. Legolas felt the need to peel the egg off and eat it, so he did. He then skipped away singing a little song.  
  
Draco and Suzanna looked at each other. It was gonna be a long day. They were interrupted by Harry also arriving late. For some reason, he came over to them.  
  
"Hello, just to let you know that I am wonderful, and if you insult me, I will be the victim and everyone will hate you!"  
  
"Riiiiiiiiight.." Draco and Suzanna were now very worried. No, that's the wrong word.. The right one is.... Disturbed.  
  
"Fine, Mr. I am the Victim, I'll really make you a victim, in a duel, tonight! The elf-thing is my second, who's yours?"  
  
"Uhhh." Harry was lost.  
  
"Me!" Ron threw himself into the spotlight "this didn't happen in the movie, so it'll happen now!"  
  
"Well, you've got a great chance!" said Suzanna sarcastically "You've got a perpetual victim and a character who hardly has any lines!"  
  
Harry, although he was a victim, was organised  
  
"What time?" he asked, getting out his pocket organiser  
  
"Hey!" Said Hermione, who has also appeared "You can't use muggle electronic stuff in the school! It doesn't work!"  
  
"Oh screw that! It's powered by magic. Got it at the shop at the corner of Diagon Alley and Knockturn Alley. It's huge and has palm trees at the sides. They have the coolest."  
  
"You are such an idiot sometimes Harry," exclaimed Hermione, "That's a joke shop!"  
  
Right on cue the pocket organiser changed into a dog.  
  
"Woof!"  
  
It leapt into Harry's arms and licked him.  
  
"Awww, he's so sweet," cooed Harry. He hugged it tightly to his body whilst saying to Hermione,  
  
"He's so warm, I swear I'm sweating. What the hell are you laughing about, Malfoy?"  
  
"Haha, you, hahaha, are being, hehehe, pissed on, heeheehee, and not even by a proper dog! Haha heeheehee!"  
  
Growing increasingly red by the second Harry throws the dog off himself and tries to regain some of his former cockiness.  
  
"So what time, Malfoy?"  
  
"Midnight, duh! That is ALWAYS the time that evil magic happens. Where have you been living the last eleven years? A closet?"  
  
"Whatever, see you there! Hang, on, where is it?"  
  
"The dungeons!" said Draco dramatically.  
  
*AN We know that it is actually in the trophy room but the dungeons sound so much more.impressive.*  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
The Peroxide Gang strode out of the Dining Hall. Up a corridor, down the stairs, right at the second corner, right at the first corner, left at the T-junction, straight at the cross-roads, through the fifth door on the left and they're in.  
  
The medical wing?!?!?!?!?!  
  
"Malfoy, you are such and idiot! You've gotten us in the wrong place, again! This is the third time this week, unless you wanted us to pay a visit to Madam Pomfrey. no? I didn't think so, now follow me." Snapped the all-knowing Suzanna.  
  
"Sheesh what did I do? So I took a few wrong turns. Besides, I figured you might like to try some of Madam Pomfrey's special sweets. Might manage to sweeten you up a bit, you pinch-faced." muttered Malfoy under his breath.  
  
Unfortunately, Legolas, with his superhuman hearing, overheard.  
  
"Sweets? Wow! Let's go back, Suzli-Puzli. Please, pretty please with a cabbage white and Froot Loop sprinkles on top." Cried Legolas as they entered Slytherin common room.  
  
"No, come on. Like Malfoy said, we have work to do."  
  
"Listen up, we have to tip off Filch about Potter being in the dungeons. The best way would be the time-honoured way of."started Malfoy.  
  
"Are you going to do it the boring old way? I've got a brilliant new, modern way." Interjected Legolas.  
  
"You've got a new, modern way? Do you actually know it or did you just see it being done and you have no idea how to pull it off?"  
  
"Don't worry, I know how to do it."  
  
"But, you don't know anything. How do you know this?" asked Suzanna absolutely astounded that a moron like Legolas was able to think of a better way than she.  
  
"I learnt it at the battle of Helm's Deep. It was the biggest battle Middle-earth had ever seen. Ten-thousand against three hundred. (We were the three hundred.) We had no way of winning but still we went forth. marching."  
  
"Yes, yes. Lovely. Would you mind telling us what this special method is?"  
  
"But Suzanna! This is exciting! Don't make him stop. He'll start going back to talking gibberish. Oh come on Suzanna. Ouch!!! Why did you pinch me? Ouch!!! Stop it! Okay, okay. Legolas tell her the method."  
  
"Find Filch and stand close to him and talk really loudly about whatever you want to give away."  
  
Suzanna gaped at him. Unable to comprehend how a person could be so stupid. At last she found the strength to say,  
  
"You idiot! That's the old way!"  
  
"No it isn't. Going up and just telling it to their face was the old way. This is the new way."  
  
"No it isn't. This is the old way."  
  
"Is not."  
  
"Is too"  
  
After listening to them bicker on for so long. Malfoy decided that he hadn't appeared in this chapter enough and interrupted.  
  
"Excuse me. Can we get started now? Suzanna, you and me go tell Filch. Legolas you just umm..umm.."  
  
"Stay here?"  
  
Malfoy took a quick glance round the room and took in all the crystal trophies and cups. Then he thought about Legolas and the Froot Loops he had eaten.  
  
"No! That's not such a good idea. Why don't you go outside and practice on your broom. We'll call you back in when we're ready."  
  
Suzanna and Malfoy head out while Legolas gets his broom.  
  
"Let's try the Gryffindor wing first."  
  
"Okay, you lead. I don't know the way there."  
  
"The great Suzanna doesn't know something? Ouch!!!! Stop that!!"  
  
Down the stairs, through the double doors, right, right, left, up, right at the second turning and then the silence of the castle is broken by  
  
"Malfoy!!!! The medical wing???? Again?!?!?!?!"  
  
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\  
  
Silveretta: Did you like it? Huh? Huh?  
  
Jess: Of course they did, and they're all going to give really nice reviews aren't they? *evil look at readers*  
  
Bella: Ohana!  
  
Silveretta: Thanks for that wonderful contribution Bella  
  
*Bella smiles proudly*  
  
Jess: We won't have a cameo next chapter, cos it's the actual dual, but there will be one or two, or possibly three in chapter 9!  
  
Bella: Louau!  
  
Silveretta: Hopefully by the next chapter Bella will have learnt some English words! We had some really gorgeous reviews for the last chapter, so keep it up and you may get into chapter 9!  
  
Jess: But if you want to be in with a chance of being in chapter 9, don't review anonymously, or if you do, leave your email address so we can track you down!  
  
Bella: Aloha!  
  
Silveretta: I think that's the signal that we should leave!  
  
Jess: Bye everybody and click that little box in the bottom left corner of your screen on your way out! Thank you!  
  
Bella: Aloha! 


	9. Legolas Does Battle Part 2

Hello! Thanks for the reviews! Bella loves it when you say hi to her! She has learnt some new words which she is desperate to tell you at the end!  
  
Last time we left Suzanna and Draco, Suzanna was close to murdering Draco, as, for some bizarre reason, they had ended up in the medical wing for the second time that day.  
  
Chapter 8- Legolas does battle [Part 2]  
  
Draco was saved by Legolas appearing, wearing a guilty grin on his face.  
  
"What have you done?" sighed Suzanna.  
  
"Nothing!" replied Legolas, in a way that was obvious he HAD done something.  
  
"Uh huh. And that explains why you're covered in leaves and your hair is messed up!"  
  
"My hair? Nooooo!" with that he sank to the floor in a dead faint. What a lucky coincidence that they were in the medical wing!  
  
So, with Legolas safely deposited in a bed, Draco and Suzanna set off to find Filch. They found him the entrance hall, cleaning the paintings. After much conflict, they decided to use Legolas's 'new' way. This may have had something to do with the fact that Draco was too scared to climb the ladder on which Filch was standing.  
  
"So, Suzanna, how are you?" asked Draco in a loud voice  
  
"Get on with it!" she hissed back.  
  
"Anyway, I heard that Weasley and Potter will be in the dungeons tonight, I wonder if they'll get caught?"  
  
Filch appeared to take no notice.  
  
"I said..." Draco yelled even louder  
  
"I heard you the first time you idiot!" said Filch, massaging his sore ears. To illustrate his point, he threw a soapy sponge at Draco.  
  
XxX  
  
Meanwhile, in the hospital wing Legolas had woken up. His head was aching, this was because he had been accelerating greatly on his broom when he had fallen into a bush. However, this was no ordinary bush, it was...  
  
A bush that contained Professor Snape's secret supply of shampoo!! And if you sniffed close enough, you could just catch a whiff of Herbal Essences© grease control on his elfin clothes.  
  
He then realised that the duel started in 6 hours. Although he had been told it was a set-up, landing head-first in that bush had done something to his brain... it had started working.  
  
He leapt up and out of bed and hot-footed it down the stairs.  
  
Harry and Ron randomly appeared at the bottom of a random staircase which randomly moved.  
  
Harry was surprised, and so he said  
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
"I'm hot-footing, what does it look like? Snapped Legolas.  
  
"Sorry I asked" muttered Harry equally annoyed, as he was hoping he get Legolas to tell him how to hurt Malfoy during the duel.  
  
"Anyway, I'm off to prepare for the duel, ta-ta!" and with that Legolas skipped away.  
  
Harry turned to Ron  
  
"How should I get him?"  
  
"I dunno, mess up his hair or something." Ron answered, rather taken aback at being asked a question.  
  
XxX  
  
Once he was back in the Slytherin common room, Legolas hopped into the shower for five minutes then set about cleansing his face, making sure he looked perfect for the duel.  
  
Draco appeared about 2 hours later, while Legolas was still working on his face.  
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
"Well, duh! I am using a light, non oily, cucumber and aloe vera cleansing lotion, carefully applied with organic cotton wool!"  
  
"Really? You know, I prefer the teat tree one applied with extra soft cotton wool to cleanse the pores."  
  
"You have soooooooooooo gotta lend me some! Will you Dracie? Please?"  
  
"Don't. Call. Me. Dracie." Said Draco through gritted teeth "anyway, tonight will be the best, Potter and Weasley will get such a shock!" With that he left.  
  
*Yeah, we're gonna whip them good!* thought Legolas smugly.  
  
XxX  
  
The time of the duel soon came. Legolas pottered out of the common room and not the dungeons. He waited, then he heard a noise. It was Harry and Ron. In their pyjamas. With Hermione. And Neville.  
  
*How unfair! They've got four people! Well, I'm not playing!*  
  
And he somehow disappeared.  
  
XxX-Back in the dormitory  
  
Legolas burst in  
  
"Draco! Draco! What about the duel? And they had four people, and it wasn't fair, and you weren't there, and... hey! WAKE UP!!!!!"  
  
Draco leapt about a foot in the air as well as screaming. Like a girl. It was then that Legolas saw his pyjamas.  
  
"The Care Bears? Awwwww.. That is simply adorable! You do have a sweet side! Come here and give me a hug!!"  
  
"Don't you dare! Anyway, if you think mine are bad, you should see Suzanna's!"  
  
"How come you've seen Suzanna's pyjamas?!"  
  
"Ahem.. I.. had to go to her dormitory and..ask for some help with my homework..yeah, that's it!"  
  
Legolas pouted  
  
"I wanna see them!"  
  
"Uh, it's probably best not to, she may just kill you."  
  
His words were wasted, as Legolas was now snoring peacefully.  
  
XxXxXxXxXx  
  
Jess: And it's done!  
  
Silveretta: Rather good I thought.  
  
Bella: Tea and crumpets!  
  
Jess: There WILL be a cameo next chapter, we guarantee!  
  
Silveretta: And if you want to be notified of future updates, please let us know!  
  
Bella: We are friends!  
  
Jess: So make those reviews nice!  
  
Silveretta: See you next time!  
  
Bella: Honolulu!  
  
(Well, she almost made it through the end note without saying anything Hawaiian!) 


	10. Dude, where's my hair?

Yo!!! We have 70 reviews! WOW!!!! Thanks for making our egos rise and swell dangerously!! If you are reading this just for the hell of it and not bothering to review, then stop being so annoying and please review!!!  
  
Chapter 9- Dude, where's my hair?  
  
At breakfast a few months later the Peroxide Gang were rather pissed off. Make that EXTREMELY pissed off. Not only had the Dream Team survived, but they had actually gotten HOUSE POINTS for battling a troll.  
  
"Big whoop. It's not as if a nine-foot high really smelly and angry troll is THAT dangerous. I could take one on while I was blindfolded!" Legolas was boasting.  
  
"Well, here's your chance, there's one right behind you." Said Suzanna sarcastically.  
  
"Aaah! Where?! Don't let it get me!!!" Legolas dived under the table and refused to come out.  
  
This meant that Draco and Suzanna spent a wonderfully peaceful breakfast together, looking dreamily into each other's eyes. It was all too soon when Suzanna announced that they had to go.  
  
"But how are we going to get him out?" asked Draco.  
  
"Hmm.. I think I have an idea.." Murmured Suzanna. She picked up a bowl.  
  
"Hey! I hadn't finished that!" protested Draco.  
  
"Oh shut up you cretin. This is the only he'll come out. Oh Legolas! Who wants some lovely Frooty Loopies?"  
  
"Meeeee!" yelled Legolas, shooting out like a bullet from under the table, completely forgetting about the 'ferocious troll' lurking behind him. "Me Me Me!! I want the loops! Gimme Gimme Gimme!!! Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?! C'mon, you know you love me!"  
  
"Well, at least he's out." Shrugged Suzanna. Draco was looking daggers at her because Legolas was clinging to him like a limpet.  
  
"Well, thank you very much. That is SO much appreciated! We'll have to give him the loops now!"  
  
"Alright, but only in the grounds."  
  
"So you're saying that I have to walk down the whole of the Hall with him clamped onto me in FULL VIEW OF EVERYONE?!"  
  
Suzanna considered this for a moment.  
  
"Uh yeah, pretty much."  
  
As they walked down the Hall, people's eyes were riveted on Legolas, who was hanging onto Draco's leg. Several of the girls- and indeed guys- were disappointed to see that the Malfoy Babe was now 'off the market'.  
  
xXx  
  
Once they were in the grounds Legolas was pulled off Draco's leg- which required much force- and Suzanna gave the countdown.  
  
"Right, on the count of three, give him the loops and run. One, two, three!"  
  
They ran as if Snape himself was after them (bet you didn't know that he could have been an Olympic runner?!).  
  
This part of the plan went well, they got away safely and soon heard the manic high-pitched laughter of a hyper elf.  
  
Now, on that day, Hagrid was cutting the grass. Yes, in January. (please imagine that the Xmas hols have already happened!) Legolas was, at this point in time, lying on the grass making grass angels-without much success it has to be said, but he was still doing it. For a very random reason which is best known to the authors and no-one else, the mower ran away. Well, not literally, but, oh well, you get the picture. You don't? Let us set the scene...  
  
Legolas lying on the ground, hair fanned out behind him.  
  
Hagrid's mower rapidly approaching.  
  
Draco and Suzanna somewhere, ready to re-enter when they're needed.  
  
You can probably guess what happens next; but we'll tell you anyway.  
  
The magical mower ran a neat path across Legolas's hair, shearing it very short to his head. At this point, Draco and Suzanna appeared and saw what had happened.  
  
"Err, Legolas?" Draco ventured somewhat nervously "Do you have any idea whatsoever of what just happened?"  
  
"Nope!" Legolas replied, still rolling around in the grass, blissfully unaware of what was to come.  
  
"Well, you ,may want to check your hair..."  
  
Draco did not need to say any more. Legolas had pulled out his mini-mirror and seen his pathetic excuse for hair. A scream then followed, which we won't write down because it will take the best part of a page to do so. In short, he screamed with horror at the sight of his beautiful hair, and was still screaming as they carried him to the medical wing. Luckily, he was quickly sedated, and all was calm again.  
  
"Well, what do we do now?" Draco asked.  
  
"We don't have any lessons now, so neither do the Dream Team. I think that we should go and find out what they've been up to. They've been camping out in the library more than usual lately." Replied Suzanna in a very logical manner. "besides, we don't have the idiot to slow us down this time."  
  
"Uh, one slight problem there, they're not exactly going to tell us everything if we go and say 'Hi there Potter, I know you hate us and we hate you but would you mind terribly if you told us what you're doing so that we can steal your fame which you're bound to get?'! Honestly, for someone so intelligent, you can be majorly thick!"  
  
Suzanna didn't like this last comment at all; so she hit him.  
  
"You moron! We're going to scare them into it!"  
  
"Another problem there, you're not the most frightening person in the world, and not even Potter and Weasely will be scared by you. Unless of course you try and scare them when you've just woken up- now THAT'S scary!"  
  
-Whack!- Draco's head was very sore by this point.  
  
"You imbecile! We're going to find someone to do it for us!"  
  
"Fair enough." ¬Pause¬ "Who?"  
  
"For once Suzanna was at a loss for words.  
  
"Uh, her!"  
  
She was indicating a tall Slytherin 7th year with blonde hair and piercing blue eyes.  
  
"Woah! Letty?! She's scary-looking" -no offence letylyf -"but she's not going to beat them up."  
  
"Intimidation purposes only. Let's just hope that she says yes."  
  
XxX  
  
'Luckily' Letty agreed to help them and they set off for the library, and soon found the Dream Team.  
  
Letty walked up to Ron, because he looked like the weakest one out of all of them- including Hormone.  
  
"Hey, Weasely, what are you doing?"  
  
"Researching top secret stuff!"  
  
"Ron!"  
  
"Hey, at least I didn't tell them about the Philosopher's Stone!"  
  
"RON!"  
  
"Oooops! Well, at least they don't know that we think it's here at Hogwarts being guarded by a three headed dog called Fluffy that you have to sing to to get past, and that Snape's going to steal it, and that it's on the third floor out-of-bounds corridor!"  
  
Harry and Hermione fainted, amazed at Ron's immense stupidity.  
  
"Great, that's all we need, thanks Letty!"  
  
"No problem, any time!"  
  
And then she left, never to be seen again. (unless she reviews very nicely again *wink wink*)  
  
Suzanna turned to Draco.  
  
"Right, let's go to see the elf-idiot and plan... things."  
  
XxX  
  
~In the hospital wing~  
  
Draco and Suzanna arrived at the same time as Harry and Hermione, who were getting some stuff for their sore heads (they fainted remember!?) Madam Pomfrey appeared.  
  
"I'm sorry Mr Malfoy and Miss Robinsonne, but you can't visit Mr Lockhart, your nice hair may distress him. Mr Potter, Miss Granger, do you want to go in?"  
  
"Well, we'll come back later." Sniggered Draco. He was having problems keeping straight-faced at the expressions Harry and Hermione were wearing. So Draco and Suzanna went and waited.....  
  
XxXxXxXxXxX  
  
Jess: Yet another thrilling cliff hanger from the pens of Totally Clichéd.  
  
Silveretta: Yeh, pretty amazing! *Starts randomly playing with a sponge*  
  
Bella: I will always love yoooou!  
  
Jess: Can't you teach her anything better?  
  
Silveretta: Nope, besides, she's happy!  
  
Bella: Did you like it?  
  
Silveretta: Did we do the cameo OK?  
  
Bella: Review!  
  
Jess: Y'know Silveretta, that's the best thing that you've taught her!  
  
Silveretta: See! I do have my uses! Please be nice in your reviews, we love reading them, they make us feel important!  
  
Bella: Jolly spiffing!  
  
~PleASe ClickEty-ClicK ThaT LitLle REVieW button- YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO!!!~ 


	11. The Stone

Hey there peeps! Remember us? We're the wonderful people at Totally Clichéd and a long, long time ago, in a country far, far away three girls wrote a story. Then they didn't update for ages. But now they're back and better than ever! So, brush away those cobwebs and prepare to be blown away by the talent of Silveretta, Jess and Bella, as we bring you...  
  
Legolas Drops In-CHAPTER 10!!!!!(with a reeeeeally unoriginal title)  
  
The Stone  
  
"Tonight's the night." Suzanna said to Draco and Legolas (who was now sporting a rather fetching long blond wig to cover up his significant lack of hair) as they sat in the Slytherin common room. "The Dream Team are going to do.. whatever it is that they're going to do." This statement would have sounded rather stupid had it come from anyone else, but it hadn't, so it didn't. But then, it wasn't exactly hard to sound intelligent around Legolas.  
  
They decided that it would be a good idea to set off around midnight, as this was surely the time that the Dream Team would set off.  
  
However, they got there significantly later than the Dream Team, as Legolas had to keep ducking back, insisting that he couldn't "go out looking so terrible", but changed his mind when Suzanna threatened to rip his wig off and burn it.  
  
When they arrived at the room, they saw a large Pound Puppy© which had somehow mutated into a Cerberus-like hound of Hell. The Peroxide gang had no idea how to get past this huge beast, and Legolas voiced this by screaming. Luckily for them, the scream was perfectly pitched, and the dog seemed to find this quite adequate music, and promptly fell asleep. Legolas had a very large lung capacity, and was able to keep this scream going for an impressive amount of time, giving Draco and Suzanna a window in which to slip through the trapdoor, dragging Legolas with them-who was still screaming.  
  
They landed on the Devil's Snare and soon found themselves caught up in it along with the Dream Team who had been sitting arguing for a long time about how to get through it. Harry wanted to burn a little fire, and Hermione was convinced that they needed to relax. Ron was just sitting wearing one of his two expressions-this one was his 'I don't like this Harry' face, as opposed to his happy face. Suzanna simply lit a Jamaican fire using rum, this was it was a relaxed fire-Jamaica, relaxed, rum, geddit?- and the Peroxide Gang slid through, leaving Harry and Hermione arguing about the best way to get through the overgrown weed.  
  
Next, they came to a room filled with keys and brooms. They soon figured out what they had to do. Well, Suzanna did anyway.  
  
"Well what are we going to do now?" asked Draco "none of us can fly a broom!"  
  
Legolas puffed out his chest. "You're forgetting that you have ...Super Legolas, the youngest chaser in two centuries.  
  
Pause  
  
"As I was saying, none of us can fly a broom."  
  
Suzanna was the first to speak up (what a surprise) "Legolas, do you have a hairpin?"  
  
"Well, duh! What do you think I am, some kind of Barbarian?"  
  
"Could I borrow it?"  
  
Legolas sighed and fished around in his pockets producing numerous items including a small silver mirror, some mango lip butter, a copy of 'Archery Today' and a face lily (little TC in-joke there! Ask us about it, we dare you!). Finally he held a hairpin aloft in triumph. Suzanna took it and proceeded to pick the lock. This proved very satisfactory and the door clicked open. Now they should have reached the troll and the potions, but Chris Columbus had captured both those chamber and was hiding them in a secret location, so the chess game was next. When they entered, they didn't play the game (cos we can't write it), and skirted round the outside of it instead. Ha, didn't see that one coming did you??  
  
Now for the interesting bit (finally)...The Stone  
  
~ Dramatic Music ~  
  
Ahem, moving on..  
  
Professor Quirrel was looking into the Mirror of Erised. He heard the trio enter, and didn't bother to turn .  
  
"So, you figured it out then Potter? I bet you didn't expect to see me here did you?"  
  
"Err, Professor?"  
  
"What is it Malfoy? Can't you see I'm being evil and scary to Potter?"  
  
Pause  
  
"Wait a minute. Malfoy, what are you doing here?" he turned and nearly fell over. "Jesus! It's you! And Robinsonne! And Lockhart! Well. If you're all so clever, how do I get the Stone?!"  
  
"Use the boy!" a voice hissed.  
  
"Which one? There's two of them, and a girl as well master."  
  
"Well, umm, use all of them dammit!"  
  
Quirrel crossed to Draco and shoved him in front of the mirror. Draco peered into it, and this is what he saw..  
  
~ He was standing importantly, he was Minister of Magic. Suzanna was by his side, and lots of little blonde children- mini Draco and Suzannas- were playing at their feet ~  
  
It soon became obvious that Draco was not going to be much help, as he was sighing and clutching his heart in a very dramatic manner. He was soon pushed out of the was, and Suzanna was put into his place.  
  
~ See Draco's vision (but replace Minister of Magic with Italian Correspondent (if that position even exists) and Suzanna with Draco.) ~  
  
Suzanna didn't react like Draco did, instead she began to spout a lot of incoherent Italian, which was worrying to say the least. Quirrel sighed and ushered Legolas in front of the mirror instead.  
  
~ Legolas was standing in a Stella McCartney dress and a pair of Manolo Blahniks with a silken sash that proclaimed him 'Miss Middle-Earth, which he had won due to his talent which was archery- he had killed five Orcs at ten paces in rapid succession- and was being presented with a rather odd trophy.~  
  
Meanwhile, in the real world...  
  
"And I want to thank my parents, and Gandalf, and the rather lovely Strider for making this all possible and helping me to achieve my dream! I am over the moon to have received this Philosopher's Stone...huh?"  
  
"What? The Stone? Give it to me!"  
  
"Never!" Cried Legolas heroically.  
  
Then, not so heroically, he started a very childish game.  
  
"Keep away with Quirrel's stone!" He threw it to Draco, who threw it to Suzanna who threw it back to.. Harry? That's right, Harry was standing in the doorway, clothes ripped and hanging off him triumphantly clutching the Stone.  
  
"Yes! I've got it! I can save the day! I'm the..agh!" He was cut off as all four of the other people in the room simultaneously dove at him, all trying to get the Stone. The last thing anyone remembered was Legolas hysterically screaming..  
  
"You mean I won the Miss Middle-Earth title so that YOU could get my trophy? Over my drop-dead-gorgeous dead body!  
  
XxX  
  
Jess: Finally we finished it! Silveretta eventually got her butt in gear and wrote it!  
  
Silveretta: Hey! I resent that! But it was worth the wait wasn't it!  
  
Bella: I'm sad!  
  
Jess: Why Bella?  
  
Silveretta: Because you're leaving Jess! (To readers) She's going to a different school so it'll just be me and Bella finishing the story! Although Jess WILL be contributing to other TC stories!  
  
Bella: I'm proud!  
  
Jess: OK, dare I ask, why?  
  
Silveretta: Duh! Cos you got an A* in your German GCSE 2 YEARS EARLY! She is a major boffin here people, though she may just kill me for saying that!  
  
Bella: Go Jess!  
  
Jess: [Puffs out chest and looks important] Well, I am a genius!  
  
Silveretta: Hmm, and modest too...  
  
Bella: Aloha!  
  
Jess & Silveretta: Oh God, cue the hula dancing!  
  
~ Hawaiian music, Bella starts dancing ~  
  
Jess: Well, goodbye for now everyone! And please do me a favour, a last request if you will, PLEASE click that lil box and REVIEW ALREADY! We really want 100 reviews! 


End file.
